The Dinner Club
by Sleeping Sailboats
Summary: The members of the Breakfast Club reunite years later...in jail. Bender's POV.


He knew Mona wasn't going to come bail him out again. At least not tonight. She had done it enough times already in the year and a half they'd been dating. One day, she was finally going to get fed up and kick him out of her apartment. Which was a shame, because he really loved her. He wanted to marry her.

All of these contemplations came to mind as he sat in the back corner of the all too familiar jail cell. The corner was practically his: the "Bender Corner." He was considering scratching his name onto the wall, mark his territory. But this wasn't high school anymore. This was the pathetic life of a twenty-eight year-old bum named John Bender.

Damn, Vernon had been right all along.

"This is absolutely _outrageous!"_ a voice trilled.

He sat up a little straighter, sensing a newcomer. The classic case of an innocent church-goer who had been the teacher's pet in school, and now had a criminal record. They were fun to watch, especially when the girl would start bitching about the first amendment. But tonight, there was none of that, just the claim that "there must have been some mistake."

"I had nothing to do with this!"

John Bender recognized that voice.

It was the voice…of a princess.

She was brought to the same cell as him, and as the bars slid aside, he got a clear view of Miss Claire Standish. "You have got to be shitting me!" he roared with laughter. Rolling those big brown eyes, she stepped into the cell and took a seat at a bench. "Not surprised to see you here, Bender," she snapped, crossing her legs and folding her arms.

"Can't say the same for you, Princess Standish."

"Look, if you're going to spend the whole night calling me that, you might as well use my new surname: Fallon."

"Wait, wait, wait…do you mean to tell me that someone _married _you?" he asked, leaning forward and grinning in disbelief. She didn't respond, looking the other way. "Well, if someone did, and this isn't just some bullshit story, better think twice before you start having kids. Wouldn't want you to get…" He puffed out his cheeks.

"Some alien part of me hoped you would have changed after high school, Bender," Claire retorted, glaring at the wall. "Especially after you dated me. But instead, it turns out you're still an immature douchebag."

Bender chuckled. "Sweetheart, dating you made me _more _of a douchebag. How could it not, when all you ever did was bitch about all my 'issues?' You were always trying to change me." He leaned back into his corner, contemplating those two words: _Immature douchebag. _There were times when he really thought he wasn't one anymore—when he thought he'd actually grown up.

Then someone like Claire Standish would come out of nowhere and remind him of how much he had grown to despise most people. Except for Mona, of course. He loved that woman. But for the most part, the human race was of no interest to him. Any friend he had made in high school—and that included the whole "Breakfast Club," whatever the hell Brian had meant by that—had gone off and done their own thing, leaving him to squander around town and find something to pass the time with.

And of course none of them ever bothered to keep in touch, to see how he was doing. They tried to cut him out of their lives, because they were off getting degrees and starting careers, and they wouldn't dare be seen with a loser like Bender. Everyone was now at a point where they had to make everyone think they had it all together.

But if they were seen with the infamous John Bender? Gasp, the horror! Their reputation would shatter.

"What'd you do, Bender?" Claire asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Forget me, I'm more interested in what _you _did. I mean, come on, Claire Stan—Fallon in _jail_? This ought to be good."

Before she could reply, the bars creaked once again as they parted. And who else would be standing there but Andy Clark, looking shell-shocked. "Pretty weird venue for a class reunion," he remarked as he joined the two of them. "Claaaark," Bender commented as Claire stood up to hug him. "Hey, get this, the princess got married."

Andy looked at him with a confused look. "Yeah, three years ago. I went to her wedding." What the hell?

"How you doing, Bender?" he asked, walking over and shaking his hand. "Haven't seen you in a while." Shrugging, Bender motioned around the cell. "I've been pretty busy," he replied as Andy joined Claire on the bench. "I'm trying to get Princess Fallon over here to tell me what she did." Claire folded her arms again. "Why does it matter?"

"Because you're you."

"I'm kind of curious, too," Andy chimed in. "If you tell me what you did, I'll tell you what I did."

"What, did you beat someone up for stealing your tights?"

"Oh, shut up."

"You married, Andy?"

"I'm engaged."

"No kidding."

"What about you?"

"Single, I bet," Claire growled, digging her red fingernails into her arms. "Or he's just sleeping around with a bunch of whores. Some things never change."

"Ha! Wrong you are, Princess Fallon. I have a girlfriend. Her name's Mona, and we're currently living together." With each word he said, Claire's eyes got progressively bigger, as did Andy's. "Don't look so surprised, friends," he said, grinning in satisfaction. "She's beautiful, too. Maybe you'll see here when she comes to bail me out."

To his confusion, Claire gave him a small smile. "What?" he demanded, guessing she had some wisecrack to share. "No, it's just…" Her voice trailed off for a moment. "You called her beautiful. Not, 'a hot piece of ass,' or something cheap like that. It's nice."

Andy nodded in agreement, giving Bender a thumbs-up. "Good for you, man. I'd love to meet her someday."

"Meet who someday?"

Okay, now Bender was getting freaked out by this incredibly coincidental night as their cell gained one more occupant. "Brian!" Claire squealed, leaping to her feet to yank him into a violent hug. "What happened kid, did you get caught trying to claim someone's elephant lamp as your own?" Andy teased, slapping him over the shoulder.

"Oh, too soon, man."

Brian nodded in greeting to Bender, and he almost wanted to laugh out loud. Ever since they had all graduated from Shermer High and left him behind for a few years, he had become timid around Bender again. _Relax, man, _he wanted to say. But he had lost the heart too—why would he try to make Brian feel better, when there had been no effort on his part to maintain a friendship?

"Seriously, though. Why are we all here?" Claire questioned." Everyone in the cell was flooded with memories of their dreary adolescence that had been completely changed by that one Saturday. "I don't really want to talk about it," Andy muttered. "Neither do I," Brian added. They looked expectantly at Claire, who instantly agreed that the topic should be left alone.

No one asked what Bender thought, and he wasn't the least bit surprised.

The trio on the bench started to talk about a new restaurant that had just opened, or something that was of no interest to him. Were they really just going to sit there and ignore his entire presence? _Just like old times..._

But he had thought "old times" had changed that Saturday, and for a short period of time, they had. Wasn't it expected, though? Things always changed after high school. _Or maybe they don't_, he realized, as he watched the three of them live in their cookie-cutter world, where they had to worry about things like getting a new tie for a job interview or whether or not they would be promoted, or what they wanted to name their kids. Bender? He was just trying to keep Mona from dumping him, an unemployed outcast with no talents or skills to contribute to the world.

After the night's events, everyone was practically expecting Allison Reynolds to walk in, which she did.

Ever since that makeover Claire had given her, she had stuck with that look. Good thing, too, because she was pretty. Not as pretty as his Mona, but pretty.

Now it was Claire and Allison talking about important woman things, like tampons or some shit like that, and Andy educating Brian on sports, who still hadn't caught up after all these years. This went on for a good twenty minutes, Bender watching it all from his corner. Finally, he'd had enough.

"Can everyone just shut the hell up for a minute?"

The four of them were instantly silent, looking at him in awe. "What'd we do, Bender?" Claire asked defiantly. "We're just talking..."

"No, that's not what's happening, Fallon. What you people are doing is basically a whole damn summary of high school, the hellhole I thought we had left behind forever."

No one said a word to interrupt him, so he continued.

"Ever since we graduated, it's been all about your _perfect _lives, and how they can't be interfered with by a lowlife like me. Claire? I did love you. And for some inconceivable reason, I thought you loved me too. But that doesn't matter, because Mona's ten times the woman you'll ever be. And I realize now that you didn't love me because I didn't fit the mold quite right—I guess you wanted some big-shot CEO or lawyer that could fill your wallet real nice. But I wasn't, and never will be, anything close to that."

"And the rest of you!" he hollered, motioning to them with a sweeping motion. "Abandoning me like that! And you all kept in touch, too. I'm assuming it wasn't just Andy that went to Claire's wedding?" There were no objections to that. "Just because I didn't have some bright future like the rest of you didn't mean I was some worthless asset of your life. I was worth keeping around, I assure you."

He was sure he was going to be plagued with accusations, told that he was too much of an asshole to be kept around. But to his utmost shock, everyone nodded, some more than others.

"Damn it, Bender, you're right," Andy sighed, rubbing his temples.

"It was kind of a bitchy thing to do...leaving you like that," Allison admitted. "It was just...after high school, I had a chance to no longer be an outcast. And for some stupid, stupid reason, I chose what people thought of me over having a friend like you. Because I _wanted _to keep in touch, but I was too afraid. I..." She swallowed nervously, fighting back tears. "I was so sick of it!" she suddenly exploded. "All those darting glances that people insisted I couldn't see, the whispering when I walked down the hall. But now that high school was over, I had a chance to be _normal_, and I took it, even though it meant losing you as a friend. I shouldn't have."

Claire took it upon herself to go next. "I just felt guilty," she sighed. "Because what you said about our relationship was right: I was always trying to change you. I had no right to, because honestly, you're a great person, far better than me. You may have been an asshole in high school, but at the same time, you...weren't. If that makes any sense."

"It doesn't."

"I know," she laughed. "But basically, I felt guilty for trying to 'fix' you. You weren't broken."

Andy looked like he was about to be sick. "Alcohol," he muttered.

"What's that, Clark?"

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to share this with anyone for the rest of my life...my fiancee doesn't even know. Right when I started college, I developed a drinking problem." The whole room stirred at this news. "And I knew you had always been into that stuff, so I was afraid if I started hanging around you, these problems would...return." He swallowed and looked down at his feet. "I think I should have at least given you an explanation, but I was too ashamed to admit that I had been an alcoholic."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Bender said quietly.

"You sure, man?"

"Yeah, of course. Good for you. For sobering up, I mean."

He smiled weakly. "Thanks."

Everyone looked at Andy kind of expectantly, who had been engrossed in everyone's stories. "Well?" Claire prompted. "Why didn't you hang out with Bender at all?" His eyes widened at the realization that all eyes were on him, and he cleared his throat nervously. "It's a really stupid reason," he groaned.

"Look, physics club, I don't care at this point."

"I really think—"

"Come on, what is it."

"You're going to laugh."

"Of course I am, but what is it."

"I'm still a virgin, alright?"

As he contemplated what had been said, Bender's mouth slowly curled into a smile. "What, you though that since you're still a virgin, I was going to beat you up and take your lunch money?"

"No, it's not that. See, Bender, 'real men' are always portrayed as people that can go out to bars and hook up with random, beautiful women, and drink with their friends every Friday night. And meanwhile, virgin me is trying to launch a career in science. Nothing's changed since high school—I'm still a loser. I'm still a boy, practically..."

"That's not a real man at all!" Bender blurted out, interrupting his self-doubt. "A real man is someone who can admit their insecurities, keep their priorities in check, and maintain their values. _That's _the kind of guy that _I _want to be. I don't know who the hell is portraying a 'real man' like that, but it's not my definition by any means."

"Oh my god, Bender," Claire, out of nowhere, said, her mouth hanging open.

"What?" Bender asked, looking over at his favorite princess.

"You _have _grown," she grinned. "Listen to you! You're not an immature douchebag anymore. You're a _mature _one now." Everyone laughed at that, but was too weary from the night's events for the laughter to lost long. _Speaking of which, _Bender thought, _why are they all here? _

"So..." he mumbled casually, leaning farther back into his corner. "What did we all do to get locked up in here?"

Before anyone could answer, the gates slid over, and everyone looked to see who would be joining the Dinner Club. But as it turns out, one of them would be leaving: Bender, to be exact. Mona stood there, hands on her hips, smiling. "Again?" she teased.

She introduced herself to everyone as his girlfriend. At this, Andy turned and gave him a testosterone-fused thumbs-up. Bender chuckled and slapped him on the shoulder. "Bye, guys," he called, shaking hands and even hugging some of his old friends. "Keep in touch," Claire whispered into his ear as she wrapped her arms around him. "You're a great guy that deserves anything good that comes at you."

As they pulled apart, Bender saw she meant it.

"Thanks, beautiful," he said to Mona, throwing his arm around her shoulders as they left the station.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she giggled, to which he kissed her. "Do I even want to know what you did?"

Back in the jail cell, the four of them looked at each other quizzically. Allison was the first to address Bender's question.

"What _did _we all do?"

**If you'd like, please leave a review with suggestions as to what everyone did to get arrested, and I may add a few more chapters with them getting caught in the act. So for now, I'll leave this as incomplete. Hopefully there are no other fanfics with this same concept...please let me know if there are. I hope you enjoyed reading this! **

**Please review and/or favorite!**


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